1 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:08,760 Ah! 2 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:14,120 Whoo! 3 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,000 {\an1}AIR HORN 4 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,120 No! 5 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,720 {\an1}SHE SCREAMS 6 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:21,880 Agh... 7 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:23,280 Ha-ha-ha! 8 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:35,640 {\an1}APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 9 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,400 Thank you and welcome to Taskmaster with your host, 10 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,800 trophy model and humble tyrant Greg Davies. Hi. 11 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,240 Right, let's get episode five under way 12 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,520 and meet our five galloping Goliaths. 13 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,440 They are James Acaster... APPLAUSE 14 00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,360 ..Jessica Knappett... APPLAUSE 15 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,680 ..Kerry Godliman... APPLAUSE 16 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,920 ..Phil Wang... APPLAUSE 17 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,400 ..and Rhod Gilbert. APPLAUSE 18 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:04,600 And next to me, he's a desperate, nervous twitch of a man, 19 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:05,800 but he's all mine. 20 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,680 Oh, who is it? 21 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:09,000 AUDIENCE: Little Alex Horne! 22 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:12,960 It's little Alex Horne! APPLAUSE 23 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,840 I thought today we could have a game of... 24 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:19,560 Can we have a game of truth or dare? 25 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,240 Er, yes. Certainly. OK. 26 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,440 Truth... Truth or dare? No. 27 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:25,880 No, I... Yeah. 28 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,520 Truth. Truth? OK. 29 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,600 I want you to eat this dog biscuit... 30 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,680 ..or you can take the dare. 31 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 32 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,920 Dare. Dare. Dare? Dare. 33 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,360 Eat this dog biscuit. Eat the dog biscuit. 34 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:45,520 All of it. 35 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,960 KERRY: Aw! No. 36 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,040 What a glossy beard you're going to have afterwards, though. 37 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,800 Enough tomfoolery. We've an episode to begin. 38 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,600 Yes, it's prize task time and for episode five, 39 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:05,840 we've asked them to drag in the worst present from a named relative. 40 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,400 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 41 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,400 Yep. Fascinating response. 42 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:13,120 At the end of the proceedings, the person with the most points 43 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,560 will take home the worst presents, 44 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,640 sort of like a bad birthday, but good. OK? 45 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:19,920 Yes, I see. OK, bad presents. Bad presents. 46 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,600 Rhod, what have you brought in? 47 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:25,840 I have brought in a present that my named relative, wife Sian, 48 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:30,440 gave to me and I think you, for one, Mr Davies, will appreciate it. 49 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:39,400 I... I will appreciate that because I bought that for Rhod's wife. 50 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:40,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 51 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,560 Yes, you did. 52 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,480 I only gave her it two weeks ago, the cheeky... 53 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,640 Has she genuinely given it to you? Yes! 54 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,800 What did you expect her to do with it? Treasure it?! 55 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,840 So, it's on its third recipient, potentially, tonight, 56 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,760 in as many weeks. Yeah. 57 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,520 That's coming back to me at some point, isn't it? 58 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,040 Right, good. Jessica. 59 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:10,160 Well, I've chosen this sartorial nightmare from my mother. 60 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:14,480 I was 14 when I received this. 61 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,640 {\an1}GASPS AND LAUGHTER 62 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:22,800 What happens when you wear long opera gloves and a feather boa 63 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,280 to the senior school disco? 64 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,240 You do not get fingered. 65 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER 66 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,040 What happens is you watch your mate, Nell... 67 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,160 KERRY: Get fingered?! ..getting off with the guy 68 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,440 that you wanted to get off with in the school car park. 69 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,320 Yeah, but where's Nell now? 70 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:44,600 Nell's happy. 71 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,320 Is she? Yeah. 72 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,560 It's a pretty, pretty awful gift 73 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,600 and I'm sorry that it brought you down on your special night. 74 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:52,800 James. 75 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,320 My wife, Nell... LAUGHTER 76 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,360 {\an1}APPLAUSE 77 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,240 Erm... No, no. 78 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,280 This present was given to me by my... 79 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,840 ..at the time, five-year-old nephew. 80 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:18,360 He made me a calendar for the year and for each month, 81 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,840 he made up a joke because he knows that I'm a comedian 82 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,840 and he drew a picture to go along with it. 83 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,320 That sounds lovely! 84 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,400 I mean, honestly, it sounds absolutely charming. 85 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,400 Er... Do you like people trying to give you material, mate? 86 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 87 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,560 Here's what it looks like. There's April. AUDIENCE: Aw! 88 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,160 What did one broccoli say to the other? 89 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,600 "You stink because you've got poo on your face." 90 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 91 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,560 KERRY: That's a good joke. That is a good joke. 92 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,120 I think that's a great gag. 93 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,840 I don't know how everyone else feels. I think so far, 94 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,000 I think it's utterly charming and I think you're very cruel. 95 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,440 Do you want to say anything to him down the camera? 96 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,200 I really like him, to be honest. 97 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 98 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,240 Kerry, what have you brought in? 99 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:12,120 Mine are dream catcher, yin-yang dangly earrings. 100 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,680 Here they are. 101 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,240 GROANING JESSICA: Lovely! 102 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,400 Who bought you these? 103 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,640 Right, my mum gave them to me and her mate made them. 104 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:23,840 I mean, to combine the yin-yang sign and a dream catcher... 105 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,320 Yeah. ..is sensational. 106 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,520 Because if you're a new age kind of hippie lady, 107 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:28,800 that's double whammy, innit? 108 00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:31,040 Yin-yang and a dream catcher? Oh, God, it's all sorted. 109 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,880 Because you want balance for your yin and yang, 110 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,120 but you want your dreams to get caught. Of course you do! 111 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,240 I mean, they're disgusting. 112 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,960 Phil. Erm, I don't get many gifts from loved ones. 113 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,240 Apropos of nothing. Aw! Yeah. Well, I'm practical. 114 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,200 I'll ask for, like, favours so I'll get a watch... 115 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,040 I'll ask someone to get a watch re-strapped 116 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,720 or, like, pay my council tax for a year or something. Something useful. 117 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:58,320 So I got my sister, who is named Emmy, 118 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:02,360 to just give me some used toilet roll. 119 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,000 There it is. So, I think... GROANING 120 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,520 I don't think anyone's going to have a worse gift than literal 121 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,360 shit on the toilet paper. 122 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,280 But you asked her to. I asked her to. 123 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,480 I'm here to win, I'm not here to make friends. 124 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:14,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER 125 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,800 It's a great gift, though, because if you get what you asked for, 126 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,920 that's the perfect gift, isn't it? 127 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,480 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 128 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,960 RHOD: No, he's got a very good point, Phil. 129 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,560 Right. I've made some decisions. OK. Last place? 130 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,760 Because it's not a sincere gift, 131 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,800 one point for Phil Wang. Argh! 132 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,240 Two points, and he's lucky to get these... Right? 133 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:38,760 ..because I thought that calendar was absolutely charming. 134 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,560 So did I. Ha-ha! 135 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,320 I love that calendar. Suck it! 136 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,440 {\an1}LAUGHTER 137 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,480 I'm going to make a note of that. 138 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,400 We'll drill down into what "it" is later, off-camera. 139 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,760 Right, I'm going to give Kerry three points. Three? Fair enough. 140 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,000 Rhod, four points. In second place? 141 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,240 And just because I think there's a great tragedy... 142 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:11,200 ..in the idea of Jessica Knappett in long gloves being ignored by boys, 143 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,320 five points to Jessica Knappett. APPLAUSE 144 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:15,880 Slow revenge! 145 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,320 Let's move on. Alex. OK. 146 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,200 First task and I'll make sure this one delivers. 147 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,080 {\an1}SLURPS TEA 148 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,160 Where is he? 149 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,520 Where's Alex? 150 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:48,520 Deliver this task to Alex in the most spectacular way. 151 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,320 Alex is in his caravan. 152 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:55,040 You have one hour. 153 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,960 Your time starts now. 154 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,280 Inside a cake. 155 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,600 No. It's not very good, it's not very spectacular. 156 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,440 Oh, if we could put it in a cake. 157 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,320 What are they called? Those... 158 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,200 Bertie Bassett, what are they called? 159 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:15,640 The singing, dancing... 160 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,760 Busby Berkeley, not Bertie Bassett. 161 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,120 I think that will be spectacular. APPLAUSE 162 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,240 OK. 163 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,120 Well, I'll tell you this, 164 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,520 double points if Kerry ends up being dressed as Bertie Bassett. 165 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:32,760 Well, we can start with... 166 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,720 Do you want to start with Kerry? Yes, please. 167 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,960 This is Kerry God-delivery-man. Here we go. 168 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,480 Alex! Yes? Come out! 169 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,440 One, two, three, four... 170 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,160 171 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,000 172 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,720 173 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,560 174 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,440 175 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,560 176 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,200 177 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,360 SHE GIGGLES 178 00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,760 179 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,880 180 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,680 181 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,320 Pow! Drum roll! 182 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,040 183 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,800 184 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,320 185 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,800 Come on. Just spin around with me. 186 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,720 All right. Look up there, Alex. 187 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,200 Look up there. And... 188 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,960 189 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,920 Oh! 190 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,920 How long do they do this for? Well... 191 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,200 Best leave them to it for a bit. Yeah. 192 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,600 All right, well, thank you. 193 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,160 APPLAUSE 194 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,640 195 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,320 I thought it would be better done. 196 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,000 I've got to say, so far, across the series, 197 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,240 Kerry has absolutely demolished the competition. 198 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,560 She's absolutely smashed it. 199 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,600 But, hand on heart - I like to tell the truth - that... 200 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,720 ..that was shit... 201 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,440 {\an1}LAUGHTER 202 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,680 ..on so many levels. Really? Really?! 203 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,480 On so many levels. What levels? 204 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,280 Well, I mean, I'll just pluck them at random, 205 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,000 but the soundtrack. 206 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,200 Oh... It was catchy, though. 207 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,720 It will stay with you. 208 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,920 Mm... Yeah. 209 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,680 210 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,560 211 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:16,840 212 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:17,880 All right, fuck you. 213 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,920 Well, I'll tell you now, that is NOT going to take some beating. 214 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,640 That's the end of this part of the show. Bye for now. 215 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:28,160 {\an1}APPLAUSE 216 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,040 Hello. 217 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,600 And we're back. I'm psyched. 218 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,000 Are you psyched, Alex? 219 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,800 If you mean miked, then, yes, I'm miked 220 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,000 for sound. Hello, can you hear me? 221 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,320 Before the break... 222 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,560 I find Alex's jokes incredibly irritating. Incredibly irritating. 223 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,560 Before the break - thank you - I was sat in my caravan 224 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,280 awaiting the most spectacular delivery 225 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,320 of the very task the contestants had opened. 226 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,000 Phil Wang is next... 227 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,440 ..to the man we're going to see now. 228 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:01,720 It's Rhod Gilbert. 229 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,360 Hello. Alex. Yes? 230 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,680 I want you to listen very carefully. 231 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:09,920 Inside this bin... 232 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,960 ..are some gloves... Do you want me to put them on? 233 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,560 ..protective goggles, a crash helmet, 234 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,080 some loo roll if you need it, 235 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,760 if it goes wrong. 236 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,000 This can act as a shield. 237 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,160 You'll need to get in that bin, 238 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:28,280 get down that end as far as you can down that end of the caravan. 239 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,520 You get down... Right. Get down. 240 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:33,240 ..and you get ready to receive the task. 241 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,400 Thank you, Rhod. 242 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:43,760 I'm in the bin. 243 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,040 The shield's up. 244 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,320 I think I'm ready. 245 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:06,640 Bloody hell. 246 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 247 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,040 {\an1}APPLAUSE 248 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,000 Thank you, Rhod. You made a hole in my caravan. 249 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,040 Yeah. Sorry! 250 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:28,080 It's kind of gone straight through the other side. 251 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,280 Thanks, Rhod. 252 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,120 Jesus Christ! 253 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,120 A misthrow would have gone... 254 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:47,240 Yeah. ..through the wrong part of the caravan and killed Alex. 255 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,760 At the time, I was shitting myself. 256 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,400 So, I didn't know it was coming and afterwards... You didn't know. 257 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,480 ..I was very surprised 258 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,200 that the production crew allowed him to do it. 259 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,280 Didn't feel like the goggles would make that much difference. 260 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,040 Well, it says something that to see that sort of rage 261 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:06,080 come from a friend, to see Alex's life genuinely endangered, 262 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,720 my heart was genuinely pounding and yet, 263 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,360 I'm still thinking about how shit Kerry's was. 264 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 265 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,840 Who are going to see now, Alex? 266 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,240 Next up, it's a caster. 267 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:19,560 It's a... 268 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,080 James A... 269 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:25,800 It's James Acaster. 270 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,560 Cue music. 271 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:37,040 {\an1}FESTIVE TUNE 272 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,280 Hello? Come out. 273 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,240 Cue fireworks. 274 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,400 {\an1}MUSIC ENDS 275 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:07,440 Cue postman. 276 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,000 {\an1}CHEERING 277 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,280 Richard Osman. 278 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,960 Finished? Yeah. 279 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,520 Fireworks, Santa. 280 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,040 Why is he doing that? 281 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,280 Christmas. 282 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,120 {\an1}APPLAUSE 283 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:40,000 We'd better get this out of the way. I'm livid. You seem angry. 284 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,960 I am livid! Yeah, why? 285 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,640 Because I asked for fireworks and I didn't get them and, secondly, 286 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,720 that's one of the blokes I had dancing for me. 287 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,440 He's dancing better for him. 288 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:51,360 Why wasn't Kerry allowed fireworks? Couple of things, couple of things. 289 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,640 She made the decision to want fireworks near the end of the hour 290 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,960 when there was no time. He was immediately, "I want fireworks." 291 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,760 Also, his was done on November the 2nd. 292 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 293 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,560 All sounds very reasonable. 294 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,280 Well, it had the lot, didn't it? Fireworks... Fireworks. 295 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,560 Very easy to get. Beardless Santa. 296 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,480 Beardless Santa danced wonderfully because he said some people 297 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,240 don't ask him very nicely to dance. 298 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER, SOME BOOING 299 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,400 It's easier to get Richard Osman 300 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,160 than it is to get someone with a beard, I found out. 301 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER 302 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,640 Good work. Who's next? Well, two left. Jess and Phil. 303 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,640 Who shall we see first? Definitely not Phil, so let's see Jess. 304 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,680 Alex! 305 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,080 Come out now! 306 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:53,880 {\an1}SHE LAUGHS 307 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,520 Lovely. 308 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,280 Oh, who's that? 309 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:01,800 It's a very little Alex Horne. 310 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:09,000 {\an1}APPLAUSE 311 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,320 They liked it. 312 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:16,760 It didn't look quite as spectacular on-screen as it did in my mind. 313 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,400 It will be the first spectacular event of all time 314 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,440 to elicit silence from an audience. 315 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 316 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,400 You could have sung a song. 317 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,720 Like... 318 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,080 319 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:35,120 I don't think that would have made it better, as we found in yours. 320 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,280 Spectacular means "beautiful in a dramatic and eye-catching way." 321 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,440 I asked for a fucking hot-air balloon 322 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,840 and they wouldn't give it to me! 323 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:45,200 Oh! Oh... I got given one of them, but I didn't use it. 324 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER 325 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,200 {\an1}APPLAUSE 326 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,080 Well, let's have a look at another. There's one left. 327 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,000 The last man is Phil Wang. Yes, please. Here comes Phil. 328 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:04,920 ENGLISH ACCENT: Hello, Alex. 329 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,160 I'm American celebrity Taylor Swift. 330 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:09,800 Thank you, Taylor. 331 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,240 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND GROANING 332 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,120 Hwa! 333 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:28,920 Oh. It... 334 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,880 It says "Eff you, James Acsater." 335 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 336 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:39,880 What's this? 337 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,560 When we started filming this, I thought that James and I 338 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,640 would have, like, a rivalry, 339 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,600 and then I forgot about that. 340 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,240 Taylor Swift, a big icon for you? Well, just a big celebrity. 341 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,640 A big, famous celebrity. Yeah. 342 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,600 Well, it he managed to get the actual Osman. 343 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,960 I got... That was actually... What, you don't think that was...? 344 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,840 Oh, OK. Maybe that was the actual Taylor Swift. 345 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,840 Thank you. Gut instinct tells me it was a not-senior member 346 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,720 of production crew who comes from the North of England. 347 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,120 You want to judge them, Greg? Yeah. Yes, I do. 348 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,880 One point - Kerry. Awful. 349 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,440 Two points - Phil. Insane. 350 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,520 Three... 351 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:21,760 Three points - Jess. 352 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,040 Beautiful and calm. 353 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 354 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,040 Four points - Rhod. 355 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:30,040 Incredible, worryingly angry. So that's second place. What?! 356 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,800 Yeah. Which means first place goes to...? 357 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,160 Well, so much going on. It's Acaster. 358 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,240 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING OK. 359 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,760 Five points to James Acaster. 360 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,120 Alex, would you be so kind as to show us the scoreboard? 361 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,200 Well, it's exciting. 362 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,480 Phil is way back on three points, but we have joint leaders. 363 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,320 Jess and Rhod both have eight points. Yes, please. 364 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,320 Very good. Right, chuck another one up. 365 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,760 OK. Here's something ever so slightly different. 366 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,880 {\an1}RADIO CHATTER 367 00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:12,840 Oh! 368 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,080 Hello, Jess. Hiya. 369 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,000 Hi, Alex. Hello, Phil. 370 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,360 Hi, Rhod. Hi. 371 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:22,560 Hi, James. 372 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER 373 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:31,040 Make as many white circles on the target as possible. 374 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,960 You must not step beyond... 375 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,800 ..this rope. 376 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,840 You must not move this rope or the target. You have five minutes. 377 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,200 You have five minutes. 378 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,520 Five minutes. Five minutes. 379 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,040 You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now. 380 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,920 KERRY: What? I'm feeling like I was made to make white circles 381 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,800 for a very long amount of time. Yeah. 382 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,960 Well, everyone else was asked to do it for five minutes 383 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,240 and Phil, clearly, for 20. Why so? 384 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,120 So, it's those four against Phil. 385 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,960 They're a team. Phil is by himself. 386 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,880 In theory, you've got an advantage here, Phil, 387 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,800 because you can make your plan and you've got longer to make it happen. 388 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,920 This feels like a typo that you're just trying to style out. 389 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:17,920 Oh, there we are! 390 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,480 I can't believe part two is finished already. 391 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,600 Two parts left, though, 392 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,160 so whoo! CHEERING 393 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,560 Welcome! Welcome, welcome. 394 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,760 You're all welcome, even the tossers. 395 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,840 This is... LAUGHTER 396 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,840 This is Taskmaster, so there must have been a task under way. 397 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,120 Right every time. 398 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,720 The current task involves trying to make circles from a distance 399 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,520 on a target. The twist is, four of the competitors - 400 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,520 namely James, Jess, Kerry and Rhod - 401 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,560 all had five minutes each to complete the task. 402 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,360 Wang had 20. 403 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,160 OK, first up, it's the four. 404 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,520 It's Jessie Caster and Gilbert O'Godliman. 405 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,400 Ready? Go! 406 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,520 In five minutes, I've got to find something 407 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,640 I can make white circles with? Yes, please. 408 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,240 I mean, these are white things, but they don't stick, do they? 409 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,040 I don't know. 410 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,040 No, definitely not. No. Er... 411 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,560 It should reach. 412 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,000 I just need to tape it. 413 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,240 I'm not going to get this done in time! This is ridiculous. 414 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,560 I can't do this! 415 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,560 That's not going to make it. 416 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:48,800 Shit! 417 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,320 What's the plan with this? 418 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,120 Oh, you'll see. 419 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,480 I could make white paint out of... 420 00:21:58,280 --> 00:21:59,440 ..yoghurt. 421 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,120 This is really... 422 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:04,560 I need more time, Alex! 423 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,760 You've got one minute 20. 424 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,640 They're all little circles, though, aren't they? Oh, yeah. 425 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,720 Now I've just got to make the circles. 426 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,080 Oh! Didn't think of this, did you? 427 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,120 No. 428 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,280 Erm... Is there a time limit on this? 429 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,800 All the information's on the task, Jess. Oh... 430 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,840 Oh, God, I've got five minutes! 431 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,320 Well, you've got 34 seconds. 432 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,680 Oh! LAUGHTER 433 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,200 Oh, no! Oh, no! 434 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,280 Oh, no! 435 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,200 Oh, no! What am I going to do? 436 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:49,960 {\an1}LAUGHTER 437 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,520 That's a circle. 438 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:57,800 Not a perfect circle. 439 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,040 Oh! 440 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,320 Yes! 441 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,560 WHISTLE No! 442 00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:10,120 {\an1}APPLAUSE 443 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,880 Thanks, Jess. Yeah! 444 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,080 {\an1}BLOWS RASPBERRY 445 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,680 I mean, Jesus Christ, where do...? 446 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,240 You don't know what it's like! You panic. 447 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,080 Is it too late to change the teams? 448 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,120 I thought you just had another breakdown 449 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,400 when you threw a whole pot, a family pot of yoghurt at it. 450 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,960 No, I was trying to create a white canvas and then put circles onto it. 451 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,800 And that was genuinely clever, I thought, when you started making... 452 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,400 Yeah, but I thought I did better than that. 453 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,440 Well, you threw buckets at it. That was the problem. 454 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:43,840 We're going to be quite generous 455 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,920 with our definition of a circle here, aren't we? 456 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,800 Yeah, they don't have to be a perfect circle. 457 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,120 I'll show you them, shall we? Yeah. This is the four of their attempts. 458 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,080 I think you can work out which one is Jess's. 459 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,240 This is how I totted it up. 460 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,240 A total of 42. 461 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:03,200 Can... Can a one-man unit take them down? That's the question. 462 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,120 How did the Wang work out? 463 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:08,880 What have you got, Phil? 464 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:13,960 I have two cans of whipped cream and two bottles 465 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,000 of what I presume to be mayonnaise. 466 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,800 Oh, shit, that wasn't too bad. One circle. Fuck, look at that. 467 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,960 Yeah, it's a really good circle. 468 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,360 I don't know, maybe, like, a flick of the wrist. 469 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:26,760 Oh, shit, that was OK. 470 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,200 But the circle was too big. 471 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:29,240 OK... 472 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:36,720 Almost slipped on the rope. 473 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,600 That's one bottle done. I think it's going pretty well. 474 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:48,520 I can't imagine anything else doing better than this. OK. 475 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:52,920 Ooh! There's one on the floor. 476 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,720 Yeah, not on the target. 477 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:55,840 Look at that! 478 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,160 {\an1}HE LAUGHS 479 00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,840 Oh, look at all them circles! 480 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,040 I'm going to call it a day, 481 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:07,240 because I think I'm in danger now of connecting up the circles. 482 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,360 Well, you've got seven and a half minutes left. 483 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,600 You going to see if you can get any more? No. 484 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,560 OK, thank you, Phil. All right. 485 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,560 Oh, there's a whole universe of circles here. 486 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,480 29... 33... 487 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,000 36... 488 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,680 37, 38. 489 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:23,920 I'm going to say 38. 490 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,280 38. There were more! 491 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,160 {\an1}APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH 492 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,720 You took more time counting than you did making. 493 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 494 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,280 But that's not the official count. It's not my... 495 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,160 I presumed that y'all would count them out, like... 496 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,320 Y'all?! 497 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:44,160 What's happened there? I'm sorry, you all. 498 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,840 Yeah, I know what y'all is. Oh, right. 499 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,520 W'all did count them up again... LAUGHTER 500 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,800 W'all got 38 as well. 501 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,520 Oh! 38? Boy... 502 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:58,320 Well, I've got to say, it seems very mean-spirited for that lot 503 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,080 all to get five points, especially Jess... 504 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:02,440 I... 505 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,120 ..and for Phil to get nothing. 506 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,960 RHOD: It does. And yet... 507 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,240 ..them's the breaks. 508 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,840 That's the way the cookie crumbles, y'all. 509 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,440 Aw! Oh, mate! APPLAUSE 510 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,320 What's next, then? A task, now. 511 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:19,680 A task involving another human. 512 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,760 Hello, Kerry. Hello. 513 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,000 Nice day. It's awful. 514 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:39,160 It's just an awful day. 515 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,440 Hello, James. I'm Jeff. Hello, Jeff. Hi. 516 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,920 Hello, Phil. I'm Jeff. Hi, Jeff. Phil. Good to meet you. How are you? 517 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,800 I'm Jess. Yep. You're Jeff. Exactly. 518 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,880 Sometimes, people call me Jeff as a joke. No offence. 519 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,600 Not... It's funny cos I'm a girl. 520 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:56,840 Yes, I noticed. 521 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,520 Cheer up this former traffic warden. 522 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,720 PHIL: You have 20 minutes. 523 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,880 Your time starts now. 524 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:10,040 Why do you need cheering up? 525 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,160 I have... 526 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,680 ..a view on the world at the moment, generally, 527 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,960 which is not particularly good. 528 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,960 LAUGHTER OK! 529 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,520 OK. 530 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,000 Not an easy task. 531 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:33,880 Was it tough? 532 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,400 Oh, yeah! LAUGHTER 533 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,080 First to try and gee-up Jeff are two fantastic people. 534 00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:40,560 It's Kerry and Phil. Oh, lovely. 535 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,960 What's your favourite part of the UK that you've travelled to? 536 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:47,560 Well, I lived in Scotland. Campbeltown in Argyll, and then... 537 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,360 Lotta soup. Lotta soup in Campbeltown. 538 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,120 A lot of soup in Campbeltown. 539 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,480 JEFF LAUGHS Got it! Time! 540 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:56,760 Good one, good one. 541 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,280 Was that a joke, Phil? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a soup joke. 542 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:01,240 Well done. 543 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,800 clap your hands... 544 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,280 Yes, I did that with the grandchildren. 545 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:09,320 Shall we dance? 546 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,520 I've got dodgy knees. Dodgy knees. OK. 547 00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:15,760 One of my favourite bosses from years gone by... 548 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,560 Buses? Bosses. OK. 549 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,360 ..said I'm a Philistine. 550 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,640 You're a Philistine? Yep. 551 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,080 I'm Philip Wang. 552 00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,760 Another joke there, Phil. Another joke. OK. 553 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,760 Philistine, Philip Wang, is it? Yeah. 554 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:32,720 Are you ticklish, Jeff? 555 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,000 Mm... You wouldn't be comfortable with me? I can not be ticklish. 556 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,080 {\an1}SHE GIGGLES 557 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,120 What about the knees? 558 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:44,600 That bit's sore. 559 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,640 Oh, sorry! Your other knee. 560 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,000 Yeah, it's sore as well. 561 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:50,560 OK. WHISTLE 562 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,280 We've had some good times. OK. 563 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,360 Look at what I can do with this, look at this. 564 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:02,240 WHISTLE Thank you very much. 565 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,080 Take care. Bye-bye. Goodbye, Phil. Sorry about that. 566 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,000 {\an1}APPLAUSE 567 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:11,560 It was awful. 568 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:18,480 I... I would argue that you - that you, Kerry - actively annoyed him. 569 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,040 I don't know what you mean. "Are you ticklish, Jeff?" 570 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:24,720 "No, I've got bad knees." 571 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:25,880 "Ha-ha!" 572 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:27,880 "Argh! Argh!" 573 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,480 No, I tickled him, we talked about his grandchildren, I sang to him. 574 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,440 No, no, no, no, no. You... 575 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,680 You sang to him and he witheringly said, 576 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,240 "Yes, it's the sort of song I might sing to my grandchildren." 577 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,240 Not the worst song Kerry could have sung to him. 578 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:41,800 {\an1}LAUGHTER 579 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:44,600 JESSICA: From the repertoire! 580 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,920 581 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,760 Phil. I liked Jeff a lot. 582 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:49,800 I liked his energy. 583 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,760 He also has great taste in gags. 584 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:57,120 Yeah, well, you had two big hitters early doors. 585 00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:58,920 Yeah. And that really landed with Jeff, 586 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:02,680 against all odds, I've got to say. The soup gag, I mean... 587 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,000 He was happy with that soup gag. 588 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,280 ..I would have bet the lives of all those dear to me 589 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:07,880 that that wasn't going to land. 590 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:10,880 Let's see some others. OK. 591 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,840 It's the two Js, Acaster and Knappett. 592 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,240 Er... Let's do a role-play. 593 00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:19,440 Mm-hm? What's your name? Jeff. Thank you, Jeff. 594 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,080 Can I buy you a holiday? Where would you like to go? 595 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,720 Tenerife. OK. 596 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,400 Hold on a second. 597 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,400 Let's go and sit on the grass and have a laugh. OK. 598 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:33,000 Copy me. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 599 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,480 You really want me to do that? Yes, Jeff! 600 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:37,640 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 601 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,000 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 602 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,200 Yes... Come on, Jeff! Oh, you want to do it again? Yeah, 603 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,840 you have to keep doing it until you actually laugh. Do I? Oh, dear. 604 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:49,600 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! 605 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:51,960 Keep fake laughing until you laugh. 606 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,360 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 607 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,680 I don't think it's going to happen. Oh, Jeff! 608 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,840 Just stand there, Jeff, and close your eyes. 609 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,520 Take his arm like you're his wife. 610 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,440 You're in Tenerife. You hear the water. 611 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,720 You wanted to hear the water, didn't you? Yeah. 612 00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:05,840 {\an1}FAINT SPLASHING 613 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,840 What else would you like to do in Tenerife? Eat, drink and be merry. 614 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,800 CORK POPS Wrap your lips around this. 615 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 616 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:14,840 Cider. 617 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:18,280 Cider? Tastes like cider. Champagne. 618 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:19,840 What else would you do in Tenerife? 619 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,080 Sometimes go off on a trip up into the mountains. OK. 620 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:24,440 Up into the mountains. 621 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,800 Going up the mountain now. You have to climb up this mountain. 622 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:31,480 Peaceful? Away from all of the hubbub of the city life. 623 00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:33,360 {\an1}SIREN WAILS 624 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,160 Traffic warden days are behind you now. 625 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,320 There's all peaceful... SIREN CONTINUES 626 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:41,440 I've got your champagne here, Jeff, if you want it. 627 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:43,480 You're sort of making me... I've depressed you. 628 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:45,880 ..feel a bit sad, actually, Jeff, to be honest. 629 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,160 Yeah, I can see that. Might make me smile, though. 630 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,120 Oh, does it make you happy to make other people sad? 631 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:54,000 There is a certain amount in that. Oh, got it! 632 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,080 Shall we do a little bit of role-play? 633 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,440 Er, where's my car?! 634 00:31:58,480 --> 00:31:59,640 Er, in the police pound. 635 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,680 Why? Did you not see the sign? 636 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:03,320 No waiting, including disabled. 637 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:04,560 Where's...? I need my car! 638 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,200 I've got to go to the footie. 639 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,600 Pay £125 and go and get it back. 640 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,360 You're enjoying this. Yep. 641 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,080 {\an1}WHISTLE 642 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,840 We got there in the end, didn't we, Jeff? We did. 643 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:17,120 So, now it's bedtime. 644 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,120 Put your head on that pillow there, Jeff, 645 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,840 and your wife can get into bed as well and lay down to sleep. 646 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,360 Put the duvet over you both. 647 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:28,200 Dream sweet dreams. 648 00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,000 {\an1}WHISTLE 649 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:33,240 Thank you, James. 650 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,800 {\an1}APPLAUSE 651 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:45,920 I mean, what I've got to say is, 652 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,200 it doesn't matter what you think about what you saw there 653 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,920 and the madness that Acaster brought to that task, 654 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,920 that smile on little Jeff's face at the end was genuine 655 00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:55,640 when he was in bed with his "wife". 656 00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,760 It was a genuine smile. 657 00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,480 But I think you really cracked him. Yeah, I think I did. 658 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:03,680 Because brilliantly, 659 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,160 you realised that what Jeff likes is to make other people unhappy. 660 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,000 Yeah. 661 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,680 I said to him, "Jeff, I feel quite sad now. 662 00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:13,800 "You've brought me down to your level, haven't you?" 663 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:15,280 And he went, "Ha-ha..." 664 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,440 The more depressed you got, the happier he got. 665 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,680 At one point, you talked about death and Jeff said, 666 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,320 "Death doesn't affect the dead." 667 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:23,760 And he really smiled after that. 668 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 669 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,320 There's one left. Yeah. Do you want to see Rhod tackle Jeff? 670 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:30,960 Yes, I do. OK. 671 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,440 Cheer up this former traffic warden. 672 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,560 You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now. 673 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,160 Cheer up, Jeff. LAUGHTER 674 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,040 OK. How you feeling? 675 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,480 Better? Fine. He's all right. I've done it. 676 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,680 Finished? Yeah, finished. Stop the clock. 677 00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,280 Happy days. See you, Jeff. Cheers. Yeah. 678 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,200 Enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you. 679 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,080 Thank you, Rhod. Thanks, mate. 680 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:54,440 {\an1}APPLAUSE 681 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,000 I said, "Stop the clock." It's not a timed task, was it? 682 00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:03,960 I said, "Stop the clock." I thought it was a timed task. 683 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,520 And I've just realised, watching it back, that it wasn't. 684 00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:08,120 Oh, it wasn't. 685 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,600 Let me put it this way - if you were in a caravan with me, 686 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,280 which would you rather? What? I say, "Cheer up, Greg," and walk out, 687 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:14,640 or I stayed for 20 minutes with you? 688 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:16,760 Yeah, yeah, definitely, I prefer you going... 689 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,560 You have a very good point. 690 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,600 Scores? Yep. OK. 691 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,080 I think Kerry put Jeff in a worse mood. Give her one point. 692 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:24,800 One point, though, Kerry. 693 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,480 Er... I think that leaving the van made Jeff happier than he was 694 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,400 before Rhod was in the van with him. 695 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,200 Two points. Phil... What?! 696 00:34:32,240 --> 00:34:34,960 ..couple of absolute cracking openers, 697 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:36,800 but he really hated the thumb thing. 698 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,880 I think three is more than fair. 699 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,080 And I can't separate Jess and James 700 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,240 and I think they both deserve five points. 701 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,520 Well, they're both doing the same body language. Two winners. 702 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,920 APPLAUSE Jess and James, the Js. 703 00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:52,640 Alex, can we have a scoreboard, please? Yeah, we've got Phil... 704 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,320 I'm going to use the word languishing on six points. 705 00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,560 But Jess is 12 points ahead on 18 at the moment, in the lead. 706 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,440 CHEERING Whoo! 707 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,160 It's time for a break. See you soon. 708 00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:18,760 Hello! And welcome back to Taskmaster, part four. 709 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,200 Another task, please, Alex, quick as you like. 710 00:35:21,240 --> 00:35:24,200 OK, it's time for a quick change of perspective. 711 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:39,600 It's a long walk, isn't it? Here he is. Hello. 712 00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:41,240 Hello, Kerry. Hello, Jess. 713 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:42,480 Hello, Rhod. Hello. 714 00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:44,080 Hello, Phil. Hi, Alex. 715 00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:45,680 Hello, James. 716 00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:47,800 You all right? Do you not say hello, James? 717 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:50,880 Would you like to open the task? 718 00:35:56,720 --> 00:35:58,440 All right. It's tiny! 719 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:02,120 Quite small. Have you got good eyesight? Oh, my God. 720 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,640 Would you be able to open the task for us, James? 721 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,440 Yeah. 722 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,520 He don't mind doing that. 723 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:09,680 That's nice. 724 00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:12,360 He's got very strict rules today about what he will and won't do. 725 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER 726 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:22,200 Make yourselves look as little or big as possible. 727 00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:25,520 You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now. 728 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,760 What, with the camera? You can do what ever you want 729 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,040 to make yourselves look as little or big as possible. 730 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,080 Now, the first lot we're going to see 731 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,280 have the shortest life expectancy. 732 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,680 Yes, it's the men. 733 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:44,120 Here we go. 734 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:51,120 Hello, James. 735 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,600 HIGH-PITCHED: Hello, Alex. 736 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,400 How do you do, Rhod? 737 00:36:58,440 --> 00:36:59,880 HIGH-PITCHED: Hello, Alex! 738 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:03,280 Phil? 739 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:07,520 Phil? 740 00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,440 DEEP VOICE: Hello, Alex. 741 00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,360 ARGH! 742 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:14,400 Fe, fi, fo, Phil! 743 00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 744 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,800 I mean, credit where credit's due, I thought that was awesome. 745 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,360 Guess how we did it. LAUGHTER 746 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:28,480 How the hell was it done? 747 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,120 Me and Rhod... 748 00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,600 ..weren't as close to the camera as it appeared. 749 00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:43,400 Do you want to see a team with an impressively even number of ribs? 750 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:44,640 {\an1}LAUGHTER 751 00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,000 Jess and Kerry, here we go. 752 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,960 Hey, Jess. Catch. 753 00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:58,440 I like your bangle. 754 00:37:58,480 --> 00:37:59,720 It's yours. 755 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,040 Thanks. 756 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:07,720 I've got you a massive duck. 757 00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:13,040 Kerry, it's tiny. 758 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,960 {\an1}SQUEAK! 759 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,440 Got you a little something. 760 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:18,600 What is it? 761 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,520 A little portrait of Greg. 762 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,680 Oh. No, no, it's too big. 763 00:38:23,720 --> 00:38:26,680 Jess! It's massive! Jess! 764 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:27,800 ARGH! 765 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,880 Ooh... You all right? 766 00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:31,440 Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. 767 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,480 I love it. I love it. 768 00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,680 {\an1}APPLAUSE 769 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,040 Seemed funnier on the day. 770 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:45,280 I enjoyed the technical prowess very much. 771 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,800 It's a very close-run thing for me. Is it? 772 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,280 Very, because I thoroughly enjoyed both films. 773 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,000 Right. Did you? Did you? 774 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,480 You know, in the context of my contractual obligation, yes. 775 00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:01,360 I'm going to award it on the basis that the boys did look 776 00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,160 physically smaller and, in Phil's case, 777 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,720 physically bigger than the girls. OK, so, how many points to the men? 778 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,480 Well, three points to the men and two points to the women. 779 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,080 OK, there we go. Three for the men, two for the women. 780 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:17,640 Right, will all five of you please vacate the area 781 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:20,320 and head to the stage for the final task of the show? 782 00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,320 {\an1}APPLAUSE 783 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,440 Visually stunning already. Who will be reading the task out, Alex? 784 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:35,120 The person who is wearing the outfit the best, Jessica Knappett. 785 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:36,320 Ah! 786 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:39,800 Taking it in turn, 787 00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:44,480 each team must dangle one of these items on the hanger. 788 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:49,120 A different member of the team must dangle each time. 789 00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:53,560 Once you've touched one of the items, you must dangle it 790 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:57,560 and you must dangle within 20 seconds of the previous dangler. 791 00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:05,280 The team who doesn't cause the items on the hanger to fall wins. 792 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,640 So, this is the first-ever team studio task. Got it. 793 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:11,280 So it's women versus men. Are there questions? 794 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,720 Yes. Hello, Kerry. I don't understand it. 795 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:16,520 I do. It just says dangle a lot. 796 00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,480 I'll run you through it, Kerry. Thank you. 797 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:21,360 So, you might come along and pick up the massive duck and dangle it 798 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:22,840 by the hook on the beam. Yeah. 799 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,120 Then one of the men will come along and pick up another item, 800 00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:27,640 dangle it on the beam. OK? OK, so we're just dangling shit? 801 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,880 The first team member that causes the hanger to fall 802 00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:31,720 are the losers, right? Exactly that. 803 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,400 Oh! It's Coat Hanger Buckaroo! It's Coat Hanger Buckaroo! 804 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,040 Why didn't you just say it was Coat Hanger Buckaroo? 805 00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:39,320 And, Alex, once you've picked an item up, 806 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,360 there's no putting it down again? Yes. 807 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:42,920 Do you understand that? Yes! 808 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,680 I'll be watching you like a fucking hawk. 809 00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:46,920 Right, let's do it. 810 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,120 Quite a fat hawk, to be fair. 811 00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:50,640 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 812 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:52,520 He's right, I've let myself go. 813 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,400 Earlier, Greg gave me this card. 814 00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:58,600 I don't know if you want to read that? That's... 815 00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:03,480 "I, Gregory Davies, being of sound mind, 816 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,040 "hereby predict that during the coat hanger task, 817 00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,520 "Rhod Gilbert will make a joke about how fat I am." 818 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:11,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 819 00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:20,320 So, the women are first up. 820 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:21,960 You've got 20 seconds. 821 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,840 Starting... WHISTLE 822 00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,480 So, one of you step forward. Jess, you go first. 823 00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:32,760 So you must hang that. You've touched that, you must hang that. 824 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,280 Is it a heavy one? It's clearly heavy. Yes, it is. 825 00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,920 It's absolutely fine. I know what I'm doing. 826 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,640 And that's 20 seconds. You must let go. Let go, please. 827 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:45,000 OK, men, step forward, one of you. One of you. 828 00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:46,760 OK, Phil's gone. Phil's gone. 829 00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,960 Phil, the time! Come on. Go on, Phil. 830 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:54,920 Oh, heavy one. Ooh! Is going to be counterintuitive, isn't it? 831 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:56,680 JAMES: It's OK. 832 00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:58,680 You've got five seconds. Ooh... 833 00:41:58,720 --> 00:41:59,920 Oh! 834 00:41:59,960 --> 00:42:01,840 It's all over. 835 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:04,000 JESS: Game over? CHEERING 836 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,080 Game over. 837 00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:09,080 I thought they'd made the heavy things look light! 838 00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,920 I thought they'd made the heavy things look light! 839 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,840 We win. That was an anti-climax, wasn't it? 840 00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:15,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 841 00:42:15,240 --> 00:42:18,680 Please come down and we'll see how that's affected the final scores. 842 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,840 Biggest anti-climax in Taskmaster history? 843 00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:31,000 Well, I mean, I think someone ruined it for everyone, 844 00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:33,000 but I don't think it's anyone's fault. 845 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:34,880 Come on, let's have some stats and stuff. 846 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,440 Well, it does mean the women are stretching their lead. 847 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:39,600 93 points each to Kerry and Jess. 848 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,160 Joint first in the series, so well done them. 849 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:45,480 Oh! Yes! Joint first place? 850 00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:48,400 The nearest man is Rhod with 85, then James with 82, 851 00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,040 then Phil with 68. 852 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,000 But in this episode, in first place, 853 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,520 is Jessica Knappett who's on 25 compared to James's 20. 854 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:59,160 Jessica Knappett wins. CHEERING 855 00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,160 Well done to Jessica Knappett. 856 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,320 Please go and gather your terrible presents. 857 00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:05,800 Yeah! 858 00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:09,440 So, what have we learned today? 859 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:13,000 We've learned apparently if you want to cheer up a traffic warden, 860 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,680 don't target his arthritic knees. 861 00:43:15,720 --> 00:43:17,960 But now, let's hear it again for tonight's winner, 862 00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,760 a better person than any of us, it's Jessica Knappett. 863 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,040 See you next time for our 50th show. 864 00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,560 SMASHING Oh! 865 00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,200 Subtitles by Red Bee Media